


Big Joke Fan, Me! (Hastur-Warlock)

by SinScrivener



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22087507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinScrivener/pseuds/SinScrivener
Summary: Pain, depression, rage due to both, I'm sorry sweet Warlock-My idea of what happened to Warlock and his folks when Hastur finds he's NOT the AntiChristWARNING MAJOR GORE AND DEATH OF CHARACTERS
Kudos: 4





	Big Joke Fan, Me! (Hastur-Warlock)

This WASN'T his Master's SON!

No, Hastur knew now, this wasn't!

No Hellhound, no voices, DEMONIC ONES anyway!

As he looked at the child as he stared stricken and ash faced, Hastur knew then what he wanted to do wouldn't be discouraged!

If it was-Lord Beelzebub was fair in listening to him on such matters!

Hastur snuck a look towards what the poor thing was looking so struck at and sneered, licking a maggot off his lip as it crawled from his nostrils.

Service man lay scattered in pieces upon the hot desert floor, bodies inwardly exploded in human combustion! One mans head comically landed in the driver's seat of a jeep behind him~ His glasses were even still on!

Warlock stared struck at his in suspended animation parents, neither dead nor alive right now, just, 'hanging out', ooh he was getting these jokes at last!

"W...what.. What's wrong with my..mum and...da?" Warlock asked tightly as the boys parents stayed silent, stricken at the moment the service men surrounding them exploded.

"Ooh, just a bit'of a Demonic miracle, lad!" Hastur sneered, waving a hand willy nilly around and said pointedly, recalling Warlocks screams of he WAS the AntiChrist and laughed harshly, "All ya have'ta do young Master is," He moved his hands like Spondgebob did in the 'imagination' episode he'd seen, finishing with, "Set'em free~"

"Ho...w," Warlock whispered, tears huge in his eyes as he tried fighting them before this monster.

"Oi, your my Master's Son, right? Yooou should know how~"

Warlock rose his voice in as Demonic a way as he could, sobbing out instead of sounding scary, "HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO I FREE MY MUM AND DA?"

A loud SMACK sounded and Warlock hit the side of the van, nose bleeding, marks cut into his cheek where Hastur violently struck out.

Towering over the fallen crying boy, Hastur hissed, whole body trembling with hate and rage now, "Listen here you vile little MAGGOT-" He jabbed at the boy harshly with his index finger as he spoke each word, "You. Don't. Talk. To. A. Duke. Of. Hell. Like. Their. One. Of. Your. Mortal. Humans!"

Warlock whimpered, trying to shield himself from Hasturs harsh pokes and whispered, "I'm sorry.. Sorry Sir! Pl..ease j..ust tell me h..ow to ge..et my parents ba..back… I beg you!"

In a whorl, Hastur used a hand full of HellFire and engulfed Warlocks parents where they stayed stuck, laughing crazily as the boy screamed in protest as his parents became animated but couldn't move away, stuck in the unyielding flames as they were eaten alive, melting by the heat, screeching in such pain that it echoed through the desert canyons beyond.

In the wake of the fire lay what remained of his mum and da, clothes and dark marks where they once stood…

Warlock heaved up his lunch and choked worse as he found fresh tears to shed, his vomit going down the wrong tube as he sucked in air as he cried.

Turning back towards the lost child in a drunken like way, Hastur gave a slow, dark, crooked grin and mused, stepping forward slowly, gravel crunching under his boots as he neared Warlock, "Bring them back then, Master~"

Warlock heaved again and fell sideways, trembling to much to even remain on hands and knees.

Hastur stood there calmly, smirking as he watched and waited.

Warlocks misery was so damn good he didn't mind a bit of wasted time right then and picked a bit further with, "Did Crowley not teach you, boy of your powers to come?"

"C..rowley?" Warlock asked and hid as Hasturs wings flared out, blotting out the desert sun in the process as he began to turn into the true Demon he was.

"Ooh what waaaaas his naaaame for himself then?" Hastur hissed, body dripping toxins and maggots, his eyes fully black now, fangs showing with his whole mouthed smile.

"Oooooh, he was a Naaaaaanny I thiink~"

"Na..nanny…" Warlock whispered and memories of the funny things he was taught came back, blood, brians, pain, ruling when the Earth was destroyed!

"Nanny? She loves me, she loves me!" Warlock huffed, taking a stand before the monster before him, brown terrified eyes to the eerie black holes of Hasturs own.

"She loved me, taught me many things-"

"Ssssssshe," Hastur sneered, wings posed as if ready to take off, "Was a Demon, SHE delivered yooou from HELL to those THINGS you called parents!"

"No.."

"Now, if you ARE my Master's Son," Hastur breathed, face touching Warlocks now, the smell of rotten dead things going to haunt him forever more if he survived long enough for such a thing, "Kill me!"

Hastur had grown to an abnormally tall human size, wings so large trailed the ground by the end tips, eyes like black holes, sucking up all happiness he remembered and instead replaced them with all the bad-

Was that why his parents didn't love him? Never paid him mind?

He clenched his hands and screamed, going to strike the thing before himself in the chest!

The hit landed! He felt so light, he'd actually gotten to…

HE was alight!

Hastur stood there smiling, clawed hand torn through his young chest and out his back with his heart still beating quickly in his hand!

Slowly, sloooowly, Warlock looked up, Hastur looked down.

Hastur gently moved his clawed fingers, the heart attached to each delicate vain and chamber, it beat quickly with the boys flight or fight responses.

Letting the boy fall to his knees with grace, Hastur followed him, the boy panting now, blood dripping from his mouth and nose as each breath he took began to burn.

The flames… He'd forgotten those…

He'd lost himself in Hasturs dead stare…

He lifted his trembling hands sadly and tried his best to grasp Hasturs arm, the bit that showed from his chest, but instead, he slumped onto it, arms limply hanging now along either side of Hasturs killing arm.

"Do something, Loooord~" Hastur hissed to Warlock who grew colder yet colder still, the heart behind him no longer in flight or fight, now gave slow, little thumps, every few moments.

"Running out of time, my Looord~" Hastur hissed, wings flaring out to their full size.

Warlock just sadly looked up to Hastur, his breath nearly nothing, tears like his blood dripped to the desert floor below…

"Your not my Master's Son!" Was the last cold thing Warlock heard before Hastur shot into the sky, clawed hand still clutching the faintly beating heart as he did so.

In a sickening twang, the hearts life lines snapped off and he fell back to Earth before Hastur got to high into the sky, and landed, with a sickly THUMP to the ground, dead in a pool of his own blood, eyes staring up unseeing now as Hasturs form seemed to overtake the sun as the Demon roared out harshly, "CROWLEY!" Before vanishing into nothingness-

No one was told the ambassador's whereabouts so… Until someone was crazy enough to drive all the way out to the Middle Eastern desert, the bodies lay in the sun, blood pools cooking in the heat, and animals feasted upon bodies of innocence who were in the wrong place at the wrong time!


End file.
